Anyway enough rambling and back to the subject. As an adult and having gone through that mad confusing hormonal teenage era of life, we're supposed to have reached the point where we know who we are, 'found ourselves' as they say. Have you 'found' yourself? Most people have by now, they know who they are and what they want from life, but a lot of people are still looking. Many people my age are stuck in a job that they don't really like anymore but have no idea what else they can do. Or they are stuck in that stage between wanting to live like a teenager and wanting to be a grown-up. It's not always that easy to be a twenty something. You're supposed to start having everything figured out, but sometimes things just don't come sliding your way and falling into place.
As a kid it was easier, you knew what you wanted to do (usually something unachievable like doctor or pilot or famous singer), but as you got older you started to realise that maybe you're not quite smart or talented enough and you have to settle for something less exciting. Is consular officer my dream job? Not really no. I wanted to write, or be an interpreter and travel around every now and then to act as representative, or work with animals. Didn't quite turn out that way. Not that this isn't a great job, I was really lucky to get it, but naturally it's very routine and you don't really get to put much of yourself into it.
I think I'm ok with that, expectations of working life are always so high, but most of us just have an average not so exciting job. But if you really feel like you're stuck and you wake up thinking god I hate this job, dear god find something else! There's way too many people working for years and years in the same place they hate and as you spend most of your time at work, it's important you like it at least a bit, or you'll come home pissed off every day. Even if it earns less, if you like it, you'll be happier.
It's all about learning what kind of person you are. Not always that easy to find out. We all know the good parts, but do you know the bad? Can you look in the mirror and realise "god I'm selfish/mean/arrogant/kind of a prick/bitchy/a complainer/condescending/a smart-ass/a cry-baby/uncaring.. etc
If you don't realise it there really is no way to make changes, because you probably don't want to change. As a kid I was very social, I talked to everyone, and I made friends everywhere I went. But later on in life I had some serious reality shocks and friends were never there, and I totally crawled into my shell and barely let anyone in. I didn't really realise it until college was over that I didn't try and get out there and meet new friends or call and message the ones I had for more nights out, and I still felt shy in a group of people I didn't know. I suddenly realised it was holding me back, I wanted to be more like that little careless girl again! Wasn't easy, had to face some tough things first and realise whatever happened in the past shouldn't change me, and I did eventually. I made an effort to get out there more and then working for the commune and then as a teacher, really helped me get out of my shell. You really have to be social to manage a whole class of rowdy adults who don't speak a word of Dutch or English for that matter, was like being thrown in with the sharks! I think I can officially say now I've got over my shyness and uncomfortableness around strangers, and I don't have many boring weekends anymore. So if you really want to, you can make changes :)
I'm less emotional now too, thanks to talking about the past and coming to terms with it, so that's great. Not that I'm unemotional now, I'm still a warm-blooded woman and not a frigid icequeen.
I'm sure there are other things that could use improvement, but hey nobody is perfect, we're all a little annoying sometimes. As they say, you have to accept and love someone warts and all, as long as the warts aren't too big ;)
Now off to lunch! FOOOOOD!
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