My dysfunctional relationship with math!!!!!

I’m an engineering student who sucks at math. No I’m not one of those students who get 95 out of 100 and say I’m so bad at math; I lose all my marks in that subject. When I say I suck, I really do. It took a lot of effort and attempts to clear my four math papers 1,2,3,4. For me graph theory, discrete mathematics, finite automata and formal language is also math, you may say it is not. I have no idea how my papa thought I will be a good engineer, really.

Now, when I was happy that I have cleared all my math paper, comes “aptitude” classes!

Being good at aptitude is very important for placements, GATE, CAT, IAS, and everything else.

Those two hours shatter every little confidence I have in life.

How, you ask?

For someone who cannot even add, subtract, multiply, divide properly without a calculator, well it’s literally being in hell.

They teach you methods which are supposed to be short cuts to solve the problem, through which I’m paying a lot of attention, and still not able to understand, they give you problem like this,

837478*625=?

5793405*9999=?

My heart skips a beat, I am petrified looking at those numbers, it takes me a minute to recover myself , and when I finally take my eyes of those numbers and look around, everyone is scribing and scratching on the book and I have no clue about what to do also, that is where my 25% of confidence is lost.

Another 25% of it is goes when I am not sure what is 6*7. Yes. I didn’t know what 6*7=42 is, stop laughing at me!

I ask my friend, after that when I actually start solving, people start shouting answers, and I’m not even half way through the problems that is where 25% of confidence goes. 75% is gone.

Needless to say zero confidence is left by the end of 2 hours. And all I’m left with a sulking face, and ready to cry.

God please help me! :(

I don't know why I am feeling this, maybe because everything happened on the same month last year, we decided our fates, we decided our lives. But I never gave it a thought, like I have done now, everything is clearer than ever. And it isn't pretty. Two days ago, we spoke about you. After I thought about the whole thing, and it makes me sad. It makes me sad, that it was me who came in between. It was me who changed everything. But you got to trust me; I have told you before also I had no idea at all. Back a year and half ago, I just didn't know something like that was there, or that he ever thought about you, before he made a decision about going for me. I just saw you, like the way I saw my past. I assumed things, a lot of things. When I realized you were more to him, and then I was, I didn't give a thought why, but only thought taking your place, in my defense I was in love. I hated you; I hated everything about you, because he liked you, because he trusted you, because he would've chosen to hurt me, but not you. But you know something, he was also in love with me not you, you were never ready to accept it and let him go, I hated you even more for that. You knew him so well, you made him feel guilty, yes you did, and He still thinks it’s his entire fault. I don't hate you anymore, it’s been a year and we both are very happy in our lives. It’s just that at one point, our future inter dependent. What we chose was best thing that for both of us, even you probably realize that.

DAY SIX

A habit that you wish you didn't have

Well, every one's got those habits which just are too hard too change.They are like in the blood!

Such habits for me would be

Biting my lips:

This is the reason for my lips being covered with gloss all the time. I just cannot control myself. Especially when I am worried or tensed. If you find me biting my lips that means something is going on in my head or it also might mean I am concentrating or thinking hard.I am biting them even right now. Before entering the examination hall, I have to make sure that I have applied gloss or balm, else you can imagine what the condition of my poor lips will be at the end of 3 hours!

Cry:

Its more than a habit, I don't remember how it started, but its just something I think can never ever change.If you find me making weird faces don't think its constipation, it just means I am trying very hard not to cry. Another thing is I can cry, anytime, anywhere, with anyone, but except when I don't get the output in the lab! Every other female around me is crying, pink in face, but I cant even bring out a drop of tear, how sad can it get? doesn't even come to proper use.If I dont get my regular dosage of crying, I feel anxious, sad, irritated..so its better to cry off once in a while!

Crib:

first I would like to thank all my dear friends for tolerating this, and also my boyfriend because he gets the double of what my friends get and still hasn't dumped me. This is one thing I really really want to change, but I do it unconsciously and realize later! I do it whenever I am upset, or irritated or moody, and also when I PMS. I just go on and on and on..... wish I could just stop at the right moment.

hmmm..:) that's all I think..:)

PS: If you guys find any of my habits annoying please feel free to share :)

20 Day Challenge- DAY ONE

Well, being new to the blog world I have never done tags before,since almost the whole of the blogging community has done it, thought will start with this, since I have my semester holidays going on I have lots of time for it too. It will be one question per day. A question for next 20 days.

A RECENT PICTURE OF YOURSELF AND 15 FACTS ABOUT YOU!



Okay, I havent thought much about me before atleast not summed up in sentences, but here we go..

1. I can have a conversation with ANYONE!

(many a times my friends ask me, how do you even talk to that person, well its easy for me! and it doesn't mean that person is my friend)

2.I find ANT the most irritating creatures on earth.

3.I love DOGS, yes,even the dirtiest puppy on the street!

4.For a GIRL, I eat a LOT! sometimes its really embarrassing, and no I am not FAT.

5.I love FLOWERS, more then chocolates.

6. I am very ROMANTIC, and I romanticize everything.

7. I can remember RANDOM conversations from long ago.

8. Right now, I am MADLY in LOVE!

9. I prefer reading BOOK, to watching MOVIE.

10.I don't like MILK or any of the milk products.

(except for curds and butter milk)

11. I have never been on a NIGHT-OUT, or stayed AWAKE the whole night.

12.I suck at SPORTS.

(Actually, I suck at almost everything)

13. I LIKE dressing up people.

14. I need to CRY once in a while, even without reason.

15.I am scared of ELEVATORS!

RECENT PHOTO,

this is the most recent photo I could find and the girl in white is ME!!

At the end...a guy always blames girl

Girl, you’re such a bad influence
And you’ve got ways to make me do what you want.
Girl, you’re such a bad influence;
I’ve got to stay away.

I’ve been hurt in all of the worst kind of ways,
And it’s you pretty baby,
I’ve just got to stay away from.
I won’t go through those same things again;



This song is the first thing that came to my mind when I spoke to that person.I never wanted to influence anybody, nor did I want them to change. I never said do this for me, this is what I want. One person I ever tried to change never did, all the remaining people why do you blame me? I never asked them to start smoking. I never said stop studying, I never said start flirting with girls, and cheat on them. I never asked them to change your name to something stupid and say I changed because of you.No,no,no!!! I am not responsible for the things that happened in your life nor for the changes you went through! dont say it was because of me. Didn't you have your brains to think, didn't you take your own decisions? then why blame me?
Oh god!! if it was one person one thing, so many people!! I just hate it!! guess I am just going to rot in hell! aaarggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!